Our baby came to the world just as most babies come into the world. But this post isn't going to be about my baby. I want to use this post to talk about all of the things people never warned me about before giving birth.
We went to classes. We went to the breastfeeding class. They told us there may be complications and that breastfeeding wasn't easy. Our baby may have trouble latching. First we produce colostrum. Then about four days later, the milk would come in. They talked about engorgement when that happened. They told me about preparing for leaking in public. It's what they didn't tell me that threw me for a loop.
I was going to breastfeed. No questions asked. Breast is best. This was pounded into my head, so I knew what I had to do to ensure that my baby would become the next great whatever. I had to breastfeed.
When Baby was delivered, I put him to my breast. He had a little difficulty latching and we practiced and he got it. But nothing came out. There was no colostrum. We tried and tried. The nurses and the lactation consultant finally advised that I use a supplementary nursing system. I tubefed Baby formula at my breast. He suckled and was satisfied. Afterward, I pumped for 15 minutes. Nothing came out.
Days passed. We continued the SNS at breast. Four days later, nothing came out. I continued to pump at every feeding. Approximately 3 to 5 mL of breastmilk would come out. I contacted a Lactation Consultant on the 6th day. She came to my house and evaluated Baby's suck. "Oh, he's got a great suck. Let's see his latch." He latched on perfectly.
I continued day in and day out. I was exhausted, frustrated, stressed, and angry. A deadly combination for having breastmilk come in. But how else was I supposed to feel?
A few days later a former midwife I know contacted me because she had heard through one of my friends that I was having difficulty. She advised that I spend 48 hours skin-to-skin with Baby, allowing him to nurse whenever he wanted. My husband calls that Spring Break Weekend in our house because I was topless for 48 hours. Baby nursed and nursed and nursed. He became dehydrated and lost weight.
At the end of the day, I just needed to keep my baby healthy. I needed to feed him. He needed to grow.
I started giving him formula from a bottle and continued nursing him before each feeding. Then I would pump. Still I was only getting about 6 to 8 mL per session.
I went to a breastfeeding suport group. The women there suggested I take domperidone. It's a drug that hasn't been approved by the FDA but that is only because of an already approved drug that is its competitor. I started the domperidone and was able to pump 10-15 mL per session without allowing the baby to nurse first.
In all honesty, I feel I did my best. I tried. But as I said, what matters most is that my baby is fed.
I only write this so that other mothers who may have the same problem may happen upon this post and know that the overwhelming guilt they may feel--as I felt--because breastfeeding has been pummeled into our heads...so they will know that the guilt is not necessary. My baby loves me and is thriving. Of course I wish it had worked out. Of course. But I am so happy to live in a world where we have other options. Let go of the guilt and enjoy your baby.
We went to classes. We went to the breastfeeding class. They told us there may be complications and that breastfeeding wasn't easy. Our baby may have trouble latching. First we produce colostrum. Then about four days later, the milk would come in. They talked about engorgement when that happened. They told me about preparing for leaking in public. It's what they didn't tell me that threw me for a loop.
I was going to breastfeed. No questions asked. Breast is best. This was pounded into my head, so I knew what I had to do to ensure that my baby would become the next great whatever. I had to breastfeed.
When Baby was delivered, I put him to my breast. He had a little difficulty latching and we practiced and he got it. But nothing came out. There was no colostrum. We tried and tried. The nurses and the lactation consultant finally advised that I use a supplementary nursing system. I tubefed Baby formula at my breast. He suckled and was satisfied. Afterward, I pumped for 15 minutes. Nothing came out.
Days passed. We continued the SNS at breast. Four days later, nothing came out. I continued to pump at every feeding. Approximately 3 to 5 mL of breastmilk would come out. I contacted a Lactation Consultant on the 6th day. She came to my house and evaluated Baby's suck. "Oh, he's got a great suck. Let's see his latch." He latched on perfectly.
I continued day in and day out. I was exhausted, frustrated, stressed, and angry. A deadly combination for having breastmilk come in. But how else was I supposed to feel?
A few days later a former midwife I know contacted me because she had heard through one of my friends that I was having difficulty. She advised that I spend 48 hours skin-to-skin with Baby, allowing him to nurse whenever he wanted. My husband calls that Spring Break Weekend in our house because I was topless for 48 hours. Baby nursed and nursed and nursed. He became dehydrated and lost weight.
At the end of the day, I just needed to keep my baby healthy. I needed to feed him. He needed to grow.
I started giving him formula from a bottle and continued nursing him before each feeding. Then I would pump. Still I was only getting about 6 to 8 mL per session.
I went to a breastfeeding suport group. The women there suggested I take domperidone. It's a drug that hasn't been approved by the FDA but that is only because of an already approved drug that is its competitor. I started the domperidone and was able to pump 10-15 mL per session without allowing the baby to nurse first.
In all honesty, I feel I did my best. I tried. But as I said, what matters most is that my baby is fed.
I only write this so that other mothers who may have the same problem may happen upon this post and know that the overwhelming guilt they may feel--as I felt--because breastfeeding has been pummeled into our heads...so they will know that the guilt is not necessary. My baby loves me and is thriving. Of course I wish it had worked out. Of course. But I am so happy to live in a world where we have other options. Let go of the guilt and enjoy your baby.
